THE ME

• Born in Auckland

•New Zealand in the 80s looked a lot like the rest of the world in the 70s

• Locked myself in a toilet

•.Won a Sega

• Became a national sausage judge

• Became a journalist

• And a court registrar

• Filled out bail terms for Upper Hutt criminals

• Tried to restore cars

• One car caught fire while driving on the highway

• Stopped restoring cars

• Got into advertising on a bet • Became an Art Director • Moved countries

• Started an ad agency • Won shiny things • Closed down the ad agency • Moved to Kenya

• Made friends with the Nairobi national park • Learned how to walk again

• Moved to the Middle East

• Shot with soccer stars and found out Ronaldo has a body double

• Moved to London

• Didn’t meet the Queen

• Switched to being a writer • Seized green card • Pond hopped to New York • Became a Madison Avenue fixture

• Owner of a US passport • Ran accounts • Saved accounts

• Ordered food in the evenings

• Saw my name misspelled in various festivals and publications

• Good at manifestos • Better at looking beyond them • Can replace a boiler.

• Cried to ‘Annie’ on a plane.